Jack

For some reason, when I saw this picture over on Jay’s Blog I had terrible images of the best cat I’ve ever owned…whom I killed in the dryer about three years ago. The picture just gave me images of Jack tumbling helplessly in the dryer…. (Sorry Jay, I LIKE your picture. 🙂 I think I’m still a bit traumatized about this incident though…)

I’ve never been so upset over an animal as I was at finding out my cat buddy, Jack, had been in the dryer sleeping when I threw a comforter in there to dry. Threw it right on top of him and shut the door and started the dryer. I didn’t know he was in there. I DID know that he slept in there once in a while. But like an IDIOT, I didn’t think to check in there before I tossed in the comforter. And it didn’t register in my brain at the time that after I put the comforter in there and started the dryer – that an unusual thumping noise began coming from inside the dryer which couldn’t be caused by a light, soft comforter.
Now this was late at night and I was going to wait for the comforter to dry so I could take it upstairs and put it on the bed before I crawled in with my wife…but I was too tired and couldn’t wait for it to finish drying…so I went to bed.

Next day I couldn’t find Jack. Went looking all over for him. Even drove around the neighborhood because I thought he’d got outside somehow (he was a housecat).

Crazy thing is, earlier that day I had already removed the comforter from the dryer but somehow didn’t notice his dead body in there. Though I couldn’t figure out why the comforter smelled so bad at the time.

Later on I went back to the dryer because I thought I’d threw some more clothes in there to dry (which I hadn’t). Opened it up and there was Jack’s body – all singed, twisted, and broken from a 45 minute tumble in the dryer.
My heart dropped at seeing him. I lost it after that. Literally had a break down. I hurried to my wife and – in shock – I told her that I’d found Jack…in the dryer…dead. And that I’d killed him. And then had to explain to her how it was my fault.

I’d never killed a pet before. Especially one with whom I was so close. I just kept having these images of Jack sleeping soundly in the dryer one minute and the next tumbling around in there uncontrollably to his death. I can’t imagine how that cat felt as he tumbled around. I’m sure it took a little while to kill him. Poor little guy.

I had to trash the comforter after that for obvious reasons. The worst part was taking Jack’s broken body out of the dryer. But I managed to do it after working up the nerve and I took him out back and buried him.
Then, after that, I had the terrible job of cleaning and sanitizing the dryer which was very emotionally difficult too.

Jack was an awesome cat. The BEST cat I’ve ever had. He loved me to death and I loved that little cat.
Jack used to follow me everywhere around the house. He always had to be by my side, rubbing on my legs and purring at me – waiting for me to bend down and give him a scratch behind the ears or a rub on the head… OR waiting for nap time! –
He LOVED to take naps with me in the afternoon. He’d lay right next to me and go to sleep. We were good buddies.

I still feel guilty about killing poor Jack. I’ll probably never get over it.

I’m still sorry Jack. I wish I would have checked in there first. You’d probably still be alive today if I had only checked before I tossed in the comforter.

I still miss ya good buddy…and I always will :o)

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75 responses to “Jack

  1. That’s so horrible, I understand you feeling guilty, but it’s not your fault. When I was very young I jumped on one of my cats, I don’t remember it, but apparently I was playing with her, not understanding that I was hurting her. My mom once also accidentally closed the door on one of our cats, heartbreaking. It’s hard to lose a pet when they grow close, they hold a special place in our hearts.

  2. Oh Josh, what a sad story. I can see how you would keep flashing back to the loss of your beloved Jack.

    I lost my little Nocha (a beautiful black and white cat) last Fall. I miss her so much…..she got a disease called Cushings Syndrome, and there was not any medicine that worked for her. The vet even tried a medicine that had to come from England….but she just got sicker and sicker.

    A special pet remains precious in our memories.

    Hugs, Grandma BEV

  3. What a sad, horrible story. I always make sure I keep the dryer door closed and we don’t even have pets! I guess I’m paranoid about anything crawling in there I wouldn’t know about.

  4. i found your posting when i shut my dryer door and ran the dryer with my cat in it for about ten minutes, two days ago and killed my own cat. i needed to have contact with the issue because the only one i can tell is my husband. the sadness i feel at the way she died is something i don’t want my kids to have in their minds so i can’t tell them how she died. i feel like i will feel sad and guilty forever. sharing this feeling even on an internet site helps a bit. i can’t even tell my friends in case they let it slip to my kids. i feel sadder and sadder and am going to talk to someone about it next week at the hospital. the guilt is so bad. i wish that i could turn back time. thank you so much for your story tho. it has helped a bit .

  5. I just experienced the same thing. My darling little kitten must have jumped in when I wasn’t looking. I started the dryer and walked away. I never even thought to look in the dryer before closing the door. I was horrified when I found my little Buddy the next morning. I blamed myself and wouldn’t forgive myself. My heart still aches for him. I plan on writing a letter to our Vete pleading with them to please tell all cat and kitten owners to always, always look in the dryer before closing the door. I would not have believed in a million years that something like this could happen. I wish I had heard of this happening some how.

  6. I don’t feel as bad now cause i thought i was the only one that has done this, My 10 yr old cat jumped in the drier with out me knowing. I don’t think she was in there before hand as my drier unlaches and opened by it self when i have a heavy load in it so i can’t really say or no when it happened, All i know is that i kept shuting the door so my clothes would dry. Well when hubby went to get the clothes for me he found her all curled up like she was sleeping but when he went to take her out she was very stiff. So i don’t know if the drier killed her or if she passed due to old age or what, all i no is i am having a very hard time sleeping, i blame my self. She was my baby i had he at 6 weeks old, took her for car rides she loved going for car rides, she played fetch, she was almost like a dog but better.

    I hope this get easier. No other cat will replace her, but i do know none of my other cats will be near me or in the laundry room from now on

    Rest in peace my Sabrina, Mommy is so sorry

  7. Last night I was doing laundry and found my husband had left his wallet in pants pocket a little to late. So I took the wet wallet out of the washer and threw the close in the dryer. I guess I was so pre occupied wth the wallet and my son throwing a tantrum in the other room because he did not want to go to bed, that I didn’t notice my cat Ramsey jumping into the dryer. She does this quite often, but I always notice and pull her out. So I start the dryer and leave the room. I brought another load of wash into the laundry room a couple minutes later and heard the thumping and thought what else could my husband have had in his pocket. Opened the door and saw my Ramsey. Thank god she was o.k. Very shaken up and feaked out, but o.k. I cried and was shaking thinking about what would have happened had I not gone back in there. My husband had to calm me down. I will be more carefull now. So sorry for your losses.

  8. Thank you so much for your stories. Our cat Pootie died last night in a dryer accident. I am still hysterical over it… I feel disgusted and guilty, I can’t eat or sleep. She was such a sweet cat and we loved her so much. It comforts me a little to know I’m not the only one.

  9. This just happend to my 11 month old kitten, who has had a horrible lift of being neglected by his mother, in there for 10 minutes, came out with blood in his mouth, vomiting it, and at 109 body tempature. Poured water on him, took him to vet, might live.

  10. Thanks for your story Josh. I know it washard to tell but I needed to read it. I killed our cat yesterday in the dryer just yesterday and I did’nt sleep all night. We only had the cat for two months but it was long enough to be like a brother for my boys. My that kitten follwed my 3 yr. old and 18 mo. old all over the house. They napped and went to bed together at night and boy did they play! I can still hear my 18 mo. old laughing histerically as he ran back and forth with his blankey dragging and the kee cat chasing him as he called it. He wokeup last night asking for the kee cat. I can’t stop asking God for forgiveness. Knowing that I am not the only one provides some kind of closure. So sorry for your losses.

  11. I’m sorry for your loss of Jack. He sounds like a great cat! I know what your going through as I did the same thing to one of my kittens last night. I was putting a load in the dryer and he must have jumped in there when I wasn’t looking and I must have thrown the clothes right on top of him. He didn’t meow or anything. After the dryer running for a whole hour I opened it up and starting taking the towels out when I noticed my kitten Ahlie with a snapped neck in the dryer. She was not moving. I felt so bad and couldn’t sleep all night. The hardest thing about it was mustering up the strength to take her lifeless body out of the dryer. And cleaning up the aftermath. She lost a lot of bodily fluids in the whole ordeal. The smell was atrocious. I feel horrible and don’t think I will ever get over this. I didn’t mean to kill her. Next time I will triple check to make sure I see all of my other kittens around before turing it on. I will pobably be super paranoid about the dryer for years to come, but atleast I will know I wont do that again. But thanks to your article now I don’t feel so alone. She was the sweetest kitten always wanting to cuddle, she will be greatly missed. RIP Ahlie.

  12. the same thing happened to me 2 nights ago, my kitty was only 5 months old, we had her since she was only a month old, her name was princess, because we treated her like one… she always slept with me at night, i spoiled her unlike any other cat i had. she was special and i loved her. she liked to sleep in the dryer ontop of the warm clothes, i kept getting her outta there every time i saw her in there, but one time i didnt even think, like it didnt click in, wheres my kitty, she could be in the dryer yanno and i just closed the door, didnt even look and i turned it on.. she went through a whole cycle without anyone even noticing, she was soo little and here was soo many clothes in there that we wouldnt have heard her banging around, not to mention her meow wasn’t very loud. so im not sure if she suffered or if she was already sleep when it happened. i hope she was… and i hope she knows how much i miss her and didn’t do it on purpose, i would have pulled her out in a heartbeat, and be holding her to this day, loving her. i miss her, and i want everyone to know that these things do happen, they are tragic but you are not alone. just remember to close that dryer door even if you leave it open for a second, it’s not a good idea. animals are quick and sometimes too small to see. lessons learned in our case. r.i.p baby kitty i love you&miss you. and god bless everyone this has happened to, remember it’s not your fault, your kitty loves you no matter what and is happy. 🙂

  13. I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a cat who died in the dryer. She must have jumped in so quickly that I didn’t see her. Even when I couldn’t find her some time later, it never dawned on me that she had gotten in the dryer. I was so horrified when it sunk in – what had happened, as sad as I was over losing her, I was more shaken up by the fact that it was at my hands that she was gone, and that my poor cat had suffered. I still miss her and tell her “I’m so sorry” almost every day. The only consolation I have is that this is a very common cause of death for inside cats. It was the first time any of my cats ever got in the dryer, but now I am sooo careful. Gracie-Lou, rest in peace.

  14. this happened to me the other day- I was “babysitting” a cat, the actual ower had been moving around a lot so I ended up with the cat for a few months. I had NO idea that for one, this could even ever happen, so I never bothered to check and 2- I was there right by the dryer the whole time, I guess there was so many clothes I didnt hear thumping until the end of the cycle, or any noise, no crying clawing , anything- I have not eaten for like 2 days- I feel like such a disgusting person. And to make matters worse I cant tell anyone- not even the actual owner. I mean I cant bring back the cat , why should she know the gruesome details. But above all of that, I really really loved that cat, she was 17 and the sweetest thing ever. I love cats so much, all animals, and I am aching and sick over this whole thing – I remember seeing a news story about a woman who’s 12 month old drowned in a washer, and I remember thinking “that dumb bitch” but now I dont think that anymore, I realize now how even some one like “miss perfect me” can have such a horrible accident happen- this is the worst thing psychologically to ever happen to me – i dont know if i will ever get over this- Jack and everyone else on here- you are so brave to share your story- we all need to know it just could not have been prevented, its not intentional, I think some times god works in mysterious ways, this experience very much humbled a person who sometimes becomes too self righteous.

  15. I hate to say this, but how can this many people have lost their pets in a dryer? I mean, come on. Is no one in the habit of shutting the dryer door after use? Perhaps I am neurotic, paranoid and/or just very careful, but I never leave my dryer door open after use, because I know that I have small curious animals that could eventually find their way in there.

    • Cats are quick. They can jump in while your loading the dryer please don’t judge these people they loved their cats and are punishing themselves enough.

      • EXACTLY, they are so fast that as i said in my story above, of course i looked in the dryer to make sure that i’m throwning the clothes inside and the dryer was perfectly empty with the light on and everything, then the cat must have jumped in as i bent over to get the second batch of wet clothes, who knows…. that cat was always sneaking into cabinets and stuff, very stealth.

  16. Jane- that’s not how it happens. I never left the door open when the dryer was empty. I was loading the dryer, and had two armfuls. She got in after the first, and my arms were too full on the second to see her already in there. Who looks inside the dryer while your’e in the middle of loading? (I do now, and take a cat headcount)

  17. Dani, I completely agree. I never leave the dryer door open, but yesterday, I needed a couple things washed pretty quickly, so I just took the couple things out of the dryer that needed dried. I opened the dryer to see what was in there, after that, I got into the washer to get out what I needed. Coby (our 3 month old cat) must have climbed in when I did that. About 10 minutes later, I heard a thumping sound. I ran to the dryer, but slowed down my pace once I got there hoping that what I thought may have happened, didn’t. I can’t get the image out of my head of my Coby laying there with only a couple breaths left. I tried unsuccessfully to get him back. I wrapped him in a towel, sat on the floor, petted him, and cried for over an hour. I feel so bad. To everyone else this has happened to, don’t let it tear you apart. I am struggling with this. I keep thinking “What if I had checked” or “What if I had put him back in his room earlier.” I am devastated.

  18. Leonard is about 3 months old, and looks like your Jack. He greets me every day when I come home from school, and likes to play with my nose when I sleep. I can honestly say he’s turned me into a cat lady. Most of my friends have pictures of their boyfriends on their cellphone wallpapers, but for me.. its a photo of my Lenny. This morning I rushed to get ready for school. I ran downstairs to throw my jeans in the dryer because they were slightly damp. I thought “damnet, I gotta go” I was really late already. I went upstairs to put on my makeup and turn on my ihome. I kept hearing “thump….thump….thump” Ofcorse it was the dryer. I didnt think much about the sound and went on doing my thing. 10 minutes later my mom came inside, we shared some smalltalk before she asked “whats that sound?” I told her “Oh, Im drying clothes”

    Mothers instinct said something to her, because she headed for downstairs “Thats not your clothes” I heard her yelling “OH MY GOD, OH” I instantly knew it was my baby. I ran to the bathroom and curled up screaming, crying… and then I saw her carrying my Leonard. She yelled to me “quick, I need the dropper, quickly, he’s alive I need the dropper” I couldnt get up to find the dropper, I sat there and screamed. She ended up finding it and as quick as we could we pumped him full of water.

    He panted like a dog, and collapsed on the carpet, I layed next to him while my mom covered him in a cool moist towel.

    Leonard survived today, he’s currently at the vet with an intervenus just to make sure his fluids are high. I cried at school thinking about what could have happened, if my mom didnt come home… I would have been writing this story now with a horrid ending.

    My heart goes out to all of you who lost your little angels. Someone was looking down on Leonard today.

  19. yesterday I killed my little and loving cat the same way and I´m so horrified. she NEVER got inside the dryer… never… I had dried a big load the night before and we saw a movie so I stopped it in the middle of the cycle. Next day I put it on again, but the door was open, so I just closed it and turned it on.

    I notices she missing… Irony was her name… we had 3 cats so only she wasn´t there…. I looked everywhere, i even went outside to call her, she never goes out but it happened already with other of the cats… he got out and I got very scared he was lost. In this case though I had a bad feeling I didn´t have last case, I had this feeling that she was hurt… and that she might be death.. I don´t know what but that idea crossed my mind…

    So we didn´t find her and I began to cook dinner while my husband was looking for something clean to change into and I said to him there were some clean clothes in the dryer… he found her and when I saw her in his arms… oh my god is the most horrible thing ever happened to me. She was completely stiff and this smell…. her sweet face … Oh my God… I was in shock and couldn´t stop crying and apologizing to her… I cannot believe this is happening, she is the daughter of my other female cat and I saw her since the day she was born… she used to be so loving and so cute… I cannot believe I close the door and didn´t realize she was there. I just wish I could turn back time and do things in a different way so she could be in my lap purring…

    I´m sorry for your little friends… and I hope we all find peace. I´m so sorry about this. I feel awful… AWFUL… I cannot feel better right now..

    reading these stories do make me feel better, thanks so much. Thanks so much for sharing.

    my best wishes to all of you

  20. It happened to me tonight. I don’t think I could feel more awful. RIP Jack and RIP Doggie.

    I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight. My heart is broken and I feel so much guilt. I’m sorry for even posting this to you, I just guess I needed to not feel so alone and tell you that you aren’t alone either.

  21. My beautiful 15year old cat died in the dryer last night, Iv never felt so guilty in my life, I wish i’d seen these comments before.
    I’l always remember and miss you Lloyd, i’m so sorry, you were the best cat in the world.

  22. This happened to me on Sunday. I was rushing around trying to get the house cleaned for company that was coming over that I put the bath rugs into the dryer. I thought the thumping was just the heavy rugs. I think about it now and it does not make sense and I wished I would have looked. This cat was amazing in that he was not a normal cat. He was my dog cat. He loved my 5 year old and was her constant companion. She is heart broken, I told her he passed away in his sleep. I have panic attacks if I go near the laundry room and my husband has taken over the chore of laundry. I can’t get the smell out of my nose and I can’t get the thoughts of him suffering out of my head as hard as I try. I loved that cat but I think the bigger issue is I killed him. As much as I hear that it was just an accident I am having a hard time accepting that. Please someone tell me when this guilt will ease. When will I be able to walk into the laundry room and not have a panic attack. I am not a panicky person and I am just at a loss on how to deal. I can’t seem to shut the tears off and break down at just random times. I am doing my best to hide this from my daughter but I know she picks up on it. Please anyone tell me how to move past this.

  23. The guilt will ease Nancy, Iv not cried for almost a week now, but I still think of her everyday, Its hard enough greaving for there loss but it feels a million times worse because of how it happened. If theres a way your beloved cat will know how you feel and that your sorry and wouldnt want you to carry on punishing yourself like this, guilt serves no purpose. Try focus on her life rather than her death, remember the goodtimes you had with her and fun she brought to your 5yr old. You mustv been a loving owner like I was for it to affect you this way.
    Were only human and sometimes we make mistakes
    jo x

  24. This happened to me today. It was the most horrible thing. It’s all my fault I was too preoccupied with my two toddlers to notice. I heard a sound, but figured it was a baby toy or shoe something. It never crossed my mind that this could happen. My husband comes home from deployment in the morning. It’s just such a horrible senseless thing. My three year old is devastated. We are huge animal lovers. I will never ever get over this. The guilt it overwhelming. RIP Jack and Macavity .. one of the greats.

  25. I am so sad that this happened to all of you. My heart goes out to each of you. It happened to me last night. I can’t stop crying. Me and my husband left the dryer open yesterday and I was the one who closed it. I even looked inside and took a shirt out of it, but there were so many clothes and didn’t see her in there. I miss my cat so much, she was the sweetest cat. She was so loving, all she wanted was to be held and loved by me and my husband. I loved her so much. It made me feel so much better to read these stories from all of you. Thank you for sharing. Have any of you gotten another cat? It is sad but I don’t feel fit to have another cat. All I can think about is how careless I am and I don’t think I can trust myself again.

    • Its about 5month now since it happened to my cat, iv burried her in the garden and put a lovely plant there in her memory, sometimes I still have a little cry, im still filled with guilt but I quickly try replace those thoughts with happy memories.. I hoped to get another cat a few week after she went but so far iv still been unable to, I too wonder if im capable and fit to get another.
      Rip Lloyd I’l never forget you x

  26. Thx you for posting this! The same thing happened to me yesterday. An old stray cat adopted us and we loved him dearly. He moved into a house with four other indoor cats (females) and he was the king. I took the towels from the washer threw them in, turned it on and went upstairs to put clothes away. When I came down I heard a noise, opned the door and to my horror found our beloved King Ramone. My poor boyfriend had to deal with the burial, the cleaning of the dryer (which I can’t even look at), his grief and his basket case GF. My grief and guilt are overwhelming. I pray he died quickly and that he knows how much we loved him. A lesson learned the hard way 😦

  27. Tasha and Katherine I wish I could say the guilt has eased but sometimes it covers me like a blanket and I can’t breathe but it happens less frequently. I know the pain you are feeling and you are in my prayers. We got my daughter a puppy not long after it happened and I can honestly say it was a mistake. While she does not know what happened to Kitty Kitty she was not ready and it has become my husbands puppy. We did start fostering for the local animal shelter and I think that is helping me somewhat. To save a life after taking one. I have 3 other rescue cats that we already had but this one was unique and I have told my daughter when we find one that was like him we will adopt. Problem is I don’t think there is going to be another that will let her spin around holding just to be held. He really did love her… Kittens are cute but they grow up into independent cats and he just wanted to be with her constantly which is unusual for a cat. Anyway, we started fostering kittens and nursing moms from the local animal shelter and its helped her because she loves kittens and she is really a little animal activist and somehow its helping with my guilt. goodluck to you both and I hope you are able to move past this.

  28. This happened to me last night but my kitten survived. Scariest thing ever, Well i work night shfts and in the arvo i hand washed my work shirt and chucked it in the dryer not thinking about where my 8 week old kitten was! I went and had a nap for 2 hours ad then got up to get ready for work. went to get my dryer and my baby kitten was laying there all wet , i thought she was dead. broke down crying and then she meowed! she was alive amazing. the cycle had gone for a full hour and then it was another hour since i fond her! I dont know how she survived but im so grateful. i took her out and she couldnt walk or move, her eyes were blood shot red and she had poo on her 😦 she was also shaking sooo bad! i was crying like crazy cos i thought she was gonna die. i took her to the vet and they put her on an IV drip and loked after her over night . they couldnt tell me if she ws going to live so i was worried all night. i picked her up about an hour ago and she is still shaking a bit but she can walk , but she doe wobble a bit. her eyes rent red any more but at least shes alive 😦 i feel so terrrible about wht happened. but its a miracle she survived! Not many people stories on here are of surviving cats. its only been 24 hours but my baby is alive nd home with her family i hope her face bruising goes down and she has a full recovery.

  29. My mum put my cat through the dryer last night and I’m a complete wreck. Reading this has helped a lot, and its stopping me from blaming my mum for what happened (I don’t want to blame her but can’t seem to help it, until reading this).

    Epic blog post, shows up as one of the top google search’s for ‘my cat died in the dryer’

    I’m just wracked with grief over Miguel, my little jet black buddy who followed me everywhere i went and wanted nothing more from me other than a lap to sit on and the occasional scratch behind the ears. RIP little buddy, I’m sorry I didn’t protect you better.

  30. Im so sorry to hear bout yr cat, ii can can tell you i know exactly how you feel. Thursday b4 i rushed to school after droppin off my two young sons at school, i threw my sons football equipment into the dryer not noticing my 1 yr old kitty Itzy ( a persian ) had also jumped in. When we rushed home after school to get the equipment outta the dryer my son ran to me crying, sayin he thought Itzy was dead in the dryer. I instantly knew what had happened. I broke down in tears with my hands on my face while my son covered his face with his bloody football short. Quicky lookin at his shorts n crying harder. We didnt make it to football. I will never forget the look on Itzy Bitzy face with her huge beautiful eyes n mouth so wide open. I cant stop thinking bout how long she suffered. Im broken inside.. She was the most playful, beautiful cat with a personality ill never forget. I was never a cat person but Itzy changed all that. I just wish i woulda looked. Im so sorry to hear about your cat Jimmy n hope their playing together in kitty heaven. My girlfriend had told me that the little kids in heaven need pets too. I believe that, but just super bummy bout the way she had to go. Thanx for sharing your story…xoxoxxo Patricia, Riley, n Chais…we miss n lov you Itzy xo

    • Jack was his name 🙂 I’m sorry to hear of your loss. It’s something very hard to get over. I still think about Jack and it’s been years since it happened.

      I have Chloe now and she’s my new cat friend. She’s no Jack, but she’s a good cat too.

      Take care,
      Josh

  31. Its about 9 month now since I lost my cat this way, and I finally feel able to care for another cat. Im collecting my bengal kitten in 2 weeks, im not looking for a replacement, That would be unfare, Hence the reason iv gone for a very different type of cat. though I must add that a cat worth a million pound would not replace you lloyd and I will never ever forget you, Im certain sometimes I still feel you near me, I love and still miss you so much xx

  32. my cat died in the dryer yesterday – I had had him for 5 years and he was a wonderful cat – I really loved him and tried to take the very best care of him. He had never ever gotten into the dryer before. i put the load on before going to bed and found him the next morning. I am heartbroken at the loss of my beautiful cat and have never felt so guilty in all my life.

  33. my cat died in the dryer yesterday – I had had him for 5 years and he was a wonderful cat – I really loved him and tried to take the very best care of him. He had never ever gotten into the dryer before. i put the load on before going to bed and found him the next morning. I am heartbroken at the loss of my beautiful cat and have never felt so guilty in all my life.

    I can’t stop crying and have been telling people he died in the night – can’t bring myself to tell them the truth – then thier sympathy makes me feel sick. I feel like they might make jokes about it and couldnt take that – i would do anything to undo it – he was my friend and an amazing companion it has been just me and him for years and never thought i would love any animal like i loved him – I have had cats before but he was special

    I don’t think i will ever forgive myself for letting him down so badly – he was such a sweet animal and relied completely on me.

    he had been sick as a kitten and needed an operation and special food everyday. its such an awful way for him to die and a waste of such a lively cat with such charm and personality. I hope this gets easier – i can’t even look at the dryer – its so unfair

    • I’m sorry for your loss. It is very hard at first. I felt so guilty for a long time after I did that to my Jack. But it get’s easier as time goes on. You’ll never forget it but it will get easier.
      I’m so sorry to hear it happened to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you 😦

      • Thank you. Please keep this blog up it’s so helpful. Before I read all the other stories I thought I was the worst person in the world. It can’t take away the guilt or make my Salem come back but it is comforting to know that others have gone through it and understand, and that is comforting.

  34. Same thing happened to the family cat yesterday. I am devastated…. I am one of those people who gets along with my cat better than people alot of the time, and I am the one that did it 😦 Total accident but I can’t get it out of my head. And I agree please keep the blog up it helps to know I’m not the only one and I think it will help me alot to share our story. “Swagger” was one of a kind. The family went grocery shopping about 2 months ago and this kitten just walked right in the house and made itself at home! He played hide and seek, loved everyone, and slept with me every night. It happened soooo fast. I got the kids’ school clothes out of they dryer tossed them over to them, then shut the dryer door and started it back up because not all the clothes were dry. Kids got on the bus and I went for a morning walk to get my blood pumping for job interview I had that day. I got back from my walk and he wasn’t waiting near the door so I began to look for him. I shook his food bag and he did not come so I friggen knew something was wrong. He had jumped in the dryer before while I was doing laundry and I instantly got him out and scolded him. I have owned many cats before and never had issues with one jumping in the dryer. When I passes the laundry room I just knew….. he was at the bottom of all the clothes…gone:( I went hysterical. Called my husband and was so upset he thought I was being murdered. Hysterics, denial, guilt, and now deep dispair. I feel sick when I walk by the dryer….. He trusted me so much and I put him through an awful death….. it’s overwhelming to try to wrap my mind around. I have read all the stories and my heart goes out to all of you… Rest in Peace Swagger

  35. I feel so horrible. I had the same thing happen yesterday to our 5 month old kitty Misty. That was the worst feeling to open up the dryer and find her. I can’t stop crying over her and the guilt I feel. She had never gone in the dryer before, and I never checked to make sure she wasn’t in there. Horrible senseless accident. RIP Misty….I’m so sorry.

  36. You know I thought I could not feel worse after I did this to my daughters cat, but it seems I just hit a new low. We finally found a cat, though not like kitty kitty a perfect one for her as a replacement in July. He looks very similar and he was just a great laid back cat that loved to held, which is what she needs in a cat. Took him to the vet yesterday and he has rapid onset FIP, he has less than a week with us. I probably should have had him put down yesterday but she was with me and I could not do that to her. Now twice in one year she is losing her best friend. Honestly how is this fair! If I had just looked this would never have happened to begin with. Now all that grief and guilt is suffocating me. I know the heart break that is coming for her and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

    • I’m so sorry…. I have had many pets since I was a kid and I had one that had FIP. I was young and I was soooo hopful he would get better, but he was going downhill rapidly so my mom had to sneak him away and put him down. She told me he died naturally and I only recently found out the truth. It’s only been about 48 hours since I accidently killed Swagger in the dryer….. I am still so sad… I can’t even eat.

  37. Hi Josh,

    I just did the same thing to my cat, Sashiko, this weekend. It is a horrible, horrible thing to realize you killed your cat. The moment I came back and noticed the thumping sound, and for about a second wondered how a shoe could have gotten in there, and the suddenly realized it could be Sashi (he always liked getting into both the dryer and the washer while I was loading clothes, but I’d always seen him get in before), I freaked out. When I opened the door, I reached in and felt his stiff and shaking body … he was still alive, but reallly, really messed up. It was the most horrible moment of my life. I had to take him half an hour to the emergency vets (it was 8 at night) and have him put down. I was sobbing and sobbing to the poor girl on duty, but she was very kind, saying it was a rather common thing and not my fault. But I’ll never forget the horror and, like you, can’t help imagining those 15 or 20 minutes he was in there and how horrible it must have been for him. Anyway, thanks for listening, I just needed to tell someone who’d gone through the same thing.

    Amy

    • Like you Josh and Amy, I did the same thing to my little girl cat Willow 2 days ago. I searched online to see if anyone else had made the same mistake I had, and found this website…. Poor little girl. She was the most unusal cat I’ve ever had, but very loving. Loved to take naps with me, my wife and 2 year old son. The worst part was telling my son. He keeps asking if he can go and see Willow – I lose it everytime he says that….
      Damn cat must have literally jumped in as I was bent over the washing machine getting the clothes out to throw into the dryer. She was so little and fast, and also getting into closets and cabinets as you were closing the doors.

      I’ll never totally forgive myself. She was only 3 years old and deserved to live a full life. Goodbye little girly……

      Andy

  38. Tonight our Yttik did this very same thing. I was strong for my children but now all I can do is cry. I’m sure it is ok to feel like you never want another animal. This pain is to much. I taught him to sit to get his treats. He stole our two liter jug lids. He held his paws up, ya know like a child does when they want to be picked up… I don’t know what to do with my grief.

    For all of you who have had this type of loss my heart and tears go out to you.

    • I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but it will get better- or just easier to manage. Not to say it will ever go away. But time does help to soften the blow. And one day you will remember her for what she was- not how she died. God bless

  39. Its now been a month since my salem died in the dryer – it took me weeks to stop crying and I now have two kittens pickle and pacey who are the best therapy in the world they are so loving and playful – I can’t sit down for 10 seconds without have two bundles of ginger on my lap! I still miss salem very much and feel awful about how he died. I have finally stopped crying and I am really enjoying pickle and pacey – they can’t replace salem was very much an individual – but they do make it easier my home felt so empty after salem died.

  40. I ran the dryer yesterday after my daughters got picked up by their dad for christmas. I noticed that Charles Wallace was missing, but thought he was probably just sleeping somewhere because he’d spent Christmas morning playing and rolling in catnip. I started looking for him last night before bed, because he had been missing too long. The dryer was the last place thought to look. I am devastated. I have to pick up my 3 daughters from their dad’s today and explain to them how I killed Charles Wallace…the best kitty we’ve ever had. He voluntarily slept with my daughter every night….jumped up and sat on the end of the dining room table for every meal…he was just adorable. I cannot believe I killed our cat on Christmas. My brother recommended that I read this blog…and it helps some to see how many other loving owners have gone through this…but it’s by far the very worst thing I have ever done. Both of our dogs passed away shortly before Thanksgiving from old age….my poor girls have been through so much already. I just don’t know how I’m going to break the news to my poor girls tonight.

  41. I do not have a dryer but i wanted to let people know to be careful with storage bins. I have 4 plastic storage bins that i keep sheets and blankets and other things in my closet. Monday night it was very cold and i got up to grab a blanket from one of them. After getting the blanket i closed the lid and put the rest of the bins back on top. I never thought to look back in it to check it had only taken me a few seconds. Later the next day after i had woke up and went to work i realized that i had not seen my cat Bridget who is always sleeping some place after i had been home for a while. So i started to look for her. I went to all her normal places and could not find her. Then i thought what if she followed me out side and i had not seen her because i was in a hurry. So i went out side and looked for her. It wasn’t until i got back in and looked at the blanket on my bed that i remembered what i had done. I opened it up and there she was cold and stiff. I feel horrible and so stupid for not checking or even knowing that she had been missing until the next day. Maybe if i had looked for her before going back to bed i would have saved her. It is eating me up. My other cat Izzy just looks around like she is waiting for Bridget to jump out at any moment. Please tell your friends that if you have cats and put anything in those plastic storage bins to be careful. I now have holes stabbed into the side but nothing i do will bring any satisfaction or undo what i did. I know how you feel i loved her more than words can put justice to express and i know this is something i will live with for the rest of my life.

  42. I did this yesterday. my front loading washer…i was loading up my final load and little ohgee (my roommate’s cat) jumped in while i was grabbing more clothes. I had NO idea until I opened the door this morning and saw her cold limp body. It was a cruel cruel Valentine’s day. I have never freaked out like that before. I have been sobbing all day. The only thing that makes me feel better is that possibly she drowned first and avoided too much pain. Thanks for all the posts, they make me feel less like a terrible person.

    • Just been reading all the heartbreaking stories, like you Robyn it happend to us on valentines day, how ironic, Dotty who we loved so much! My story is somewhere on the forum. In work now, still cant do anything usefull, just need to read all these stories, so I dont feel like our Dotty and us are alone in this, just cant get it out of my mind. Heartbroken.

  43. It happend to us as well on the 14th of february, our poor little Dotty, the most fantastic little cat there was. My daughter and I just cant stop crying, the worst of all is the suffering she must have had, the pain and the fright, cant believe it. My daughter done the same, threw some wash in on top of the other and didnt realise she was in there, closed the door to come back an hour and a half later to find her dead, we where and I feel we still are in shock, its two days ago and all I can do is cry. God will we ever get over this? We are devistated.

  44. last night i did the same thing i have 3 kittens that i raised and i thought of them as my children i had them since they were 3 weeks old i found them in my yard and took them in. i loved them so much!! only 1 of them normaly gets into the dryer and she was sleeping on the kitchen table so i did not think to look it was late and i was getting ready for bed! my kitten izzy had gotten in the dryer as i put the clothes on the table and i put the wet clothes it and started the dryer, i went and finished the things i always do before bed and heard the thumping and ask my ol’ man what all he had washed and he said idk so i went and checked and it was my poor izzy bleading from all over her eyes mouth and nose, sizing and it wa just horroble i had a panic attact i should have checked anyways i always do i feel so bad i feel as if one of my kids had died she was my best friend and the light of my day other then my real family ive never killed a animal that i know of and i killed her and idk what to do i cant stop crying and i cant look at the dryer there was no saving her and it breakes my heart what am i going to do! i feel so lost and depressed! please help does this get easyer?

    • It happened to me in October and I was absolutely devastated. It really does get easier it took me weeks to stop crying, and I occasionally still get upset, but in time you will find that you it happens less often and you can remember her bein cute or playful and not just how you found her. I thoughts are with you.

  45. Reading all of these stories has touched my heart. This happened to my 7 year old cat fancy. She was my best friend.. took her in when I was 14 years old. She was so special to me, although she was deaf she still someone came to me when I called for her. She waited for me to come home and greet me. My heart is just broken and I feel so guilty. I understand what horrible feelings you all have went threw. And I pray in time I forgive myself. I keep having awful images in my head wondering about her little body tumbling in the dryer just wanting my help. I remember the day, I woke up in a hurry because I over slept. Went down stairs threw my things in the dryer and didn’t think twice about checking because she never did it before. She had to have jumped in while I grabbed another handful of clothes. I just can’t forgive myself.. fancy was a one of akind cat.. she was no first pet. Finding these post has made me feel so not alone. My prayers go out to each of you.. I can only hope fancy knows I love her..and I didn’t mean to Just let her suffer. I have a hard time not thinking of anything else.
    I love and miss you fancy…

    • This happened to me last Tuesday. I checked the towels in the dryer they were still wet, so I closed the door and turned on the dryer and walked into another room. I heard a thumping noise, and said to my husband and my daughter what is wrong with the dryer? I opened the dryer and will never forget the image of the overheated cat, gasping for air, chest thumping wildly. I immediately put cold water in it’s mouth and face and rushed it to animal emergency with the air conditioner on full blast in its face. The vet put the cat in an oxygen tank and took x-rays. I cannot get the image of the cat’s face and how close it was to death and that I did it! It was only in there for three minutes, but that is a long time. I have felt horrible ever since and cannot seem to recover, I am afraid to do laundry and stop the clothes and keep checking to make sure the cat isn’t in it. I can’t believe how common this is and yet have never heard about this and I have always had cats. Luckily, the cat is doing well, and I thankfully I have the opportunity of spoiling the heck out of it!

    • This happened to the family cat last night. My mother threw a load in the dryer and went to bed only to wake up and find Eggnog there this morning. It feels so awful to have a pet die this way, I’d feel so much better if he were to have been hit by a car – something quick, sudden. Most of all, I’d much rather my mother to not go through this guilt and blaming herself. Eggnog was a good cat, a young kitten we had saved around Christmas time whom we fed eggnog to because we didn’t have any milk at the time. He wasn’t perfect, he had a tendency of getting into the bread and having himself a snack, but over the years he grew into a good companion who liked to sleep on your head at night and drooled so much we nicknamed him ‘drool-bucket.’ I know it will get better as time goes by, and I am thankful for finding this page, I have found comfort from your stories and I want to thank you all for sharing them.
      Rest in Peace, Eggnog. We are all so sorry…

  46. Sorry to hear about your cat, really is upsetting, the same thing happend to the family cat a few weeks ago. My cat must of been in the dryer (she liked to hide in weird places) and my dad didn’t notice, put clothes in and turned the dryer on, and went upstairs. 30minutes later he told me she’s dead, and he’s left her outside wrapped in a towel, I couldn’t believe it, I went outside and saw her laying there dead, I had the cat for 12 years I felt soo sad and upset for her, the way she died, I hope she didn’t suffer much or even at all, I wish I could of done something about it. I imagine her scared in pain and dying desperate to get out, and no one was there to help her. She used to run to me if I had food and sit there looking up at me wanting me to give her some of my food, she regularly used to sleep in my room, I’d see her on the bed cuddled up. She always came to me for strokes.I just wish she didn’t feel pain and she’s in a better place now! Miss her a lot! RIP

  47. I know this is an old post of yours, but this just happened to our new little kitten. My wife threw in some sheets and towels into the dryer and we rushed off to pick up our kids from dance class and soccer. Then we took them for hot chocolate…when we got home my wife went downstairs where I heard her scream. Then I rushed down and saw what obviously happened to our poor little guy. We are still devastated as this just happened last Saturday. Its hard to fathom that we did this to him because we loved him so much. We are a wreck. The kids cried and we feel so awful.
    I too had to go through picking up his broken and burned body (he was a hairless cat). I buried him in our backyard with our two other cats who lived nice long lives and I have a stone ordered for him. We are so so sad 😦
    Thank you for your blog, it is therapeutic.

    • I am so sorry to read this, we know how it feels, its the most horrible thing that can happen to you. This happened to our Dottie of the 14th of february last year and I found this site and wrote my story on it, it is therapeutic, you just want to share your pain and grieve with others who know how it feels. We are a year and half futher but everyday when I see her photo my heart hurts for what happend to her. I wish you and your family all the strength in the world. Carol

  48. I am so glad I found this and can share my thoughts I’m completely devastated it happen to us yesterday our cookie was 3 she was lovely and a good mum when she had kittens . I put wet washing in I always check no cats are in but the dryer was cold they never go in unless it’s warm I gott distracted and tust switched it on I was in the kitchen and heard meows our dryers so close to the back door I thought it was coming from outside my cats in season n there’s a male hanging round the meows didn’t even sound like cookie thinking back it was prob coz she was in such distress I walked away leaving her in there 10 mins later I heard loud thumping I went in the kitchen my heart stopped I opens the door she was just lying there I rang my husband who left work n came up took her out for me her heard was burned her ears were so red I’m in such shock and devastated I just held on to her she was so hot I just stroked her n told her I was so so sorry my husband tried takeing her off me but I would not let him until she was cooled down she was so hot my baby suffered I should have checked I should have cheacked hearing the meows but I didn’t it’s all my fault my poor baby I’m throwing the dryer away and never haveing another one my kids are very distraught at what happened. The comfort we have is our other to female cats and our kitten boy I so sorry for everyone’s loss but so grateful for this post as it’s helping me deal with it I’ve still not eaten I’m still shaking from it I just hope she will forgive me I so so sorry we loved u so much xxxxxxxxxx

    • My heart jumped when I saw a message from ‘its only me, Josh, my first thought oh no! not another one! I read your heartbreaking story and believe me we know how it feels, its the most awful physical and heart pain you can feel, and the guilt what races through your mind and heart constantly. It is so so tragic, I hate the dryer, just last night I took my husbands pyjama’s out of it and the heat hit me in the face, my first thought was Dottie our gorgeous little cat, I tried to avoid it if I can, hardly use it if possible, but every time I do, even 2.5 years on it still hits me right in the heart. Our only peace of mind is that she doesn’t feel pain and fear anymore and she is under our blossem tree in our garden, she climbed that tree every day.
      I hope you feel a little bit better soon, it will cost time… I am happy I found this site, it does help you a little bit.
      Take care xxx
      Carol Delaney

  49. This afternoon, I put a load in the laundry, went upstairs to hoover and when I came downstairs after about half an hour, the dogs were going crazy at the dryer and it was slightly open, I think they jumped up and knocked it open. My cat was inside, stiff, blood on her mouth and nose, I am beyond devastated. She had never ever gotten in there before. I was doing a wool wash and it wasn’t quite dry. How am I going to live with myself? Should I call the RSPCA and report myself? I got her when she was 6 weeks old and she turned 13 in September last year. I have cried for hours. The worst part is when I tell people that she died, they will offer sympathy and I don’t deserve it. I daren’t even tell people the truth as I think that they will think that I am a bad person. Hand on my heart, I had no idea that she was in there. The clothes are all in the bin and the dryer is outside on the garden waiting for the scrap man. I am beyond devastated. I lost my father in law the day after boxing day, the funeral is next week, I don’t know how much more I can take 😦

  50. Terri, you are not a bad person, no one here is. Yesterday, my cat Koopa jumped into the dryer after my parents got in from the hot tub. I heard her thumping but thought it was just the dryer sound, it usually makes these sounds, especially with wet towels. Later on I couldn’t find her, but I decide to empty the dryer and found her there, lying on top of a towel. I cried so hard; she was barely a year old. She was a black cat and died on Friday the 13th. I miss her so much. All I can think about is my Koopa, just that afternoon greeting me at the door, sitting on my shoulder trying to get at the piece of cheese I was eating.
    I’ll miss her and I’ll think of her everyday.

    • It’s been over a year since I lost Koopa, but I wanted to let people know that it has gotten a little easier. I still cry sometimes, but I know she would want me to be happy.
      Around June, I got another cat named Pixel. She’s just as crazy as Koopa was, maybe even more so and I love her for it. Whenever anyone starts the dryer now, I make sure she’s around me so I don’t have to worry about her. She has helped me a lot in coping and I am glad to have her

  51. Also glad that i found this blog.. I lost my beautiful cat, Meko, on saturday. I was rushing to get things washed for my childrens running meeting the next day and had to get off to my sisters that night to babysit.. My husband stayed at home with our two children and continued on doing the washing that i insisted needed to be done by the morning.. about 9.00 that night i got a call from him sobbing and immediately thought one of my children were hurt but he then broke down and told me that our 2 year old cat must have gotten in the tumble dryer after he got a load out and went to grab the wet clothes out of the washer… he said he must have thrown the wet clothes on her and shut the door.. he said he went in there 5 minutes or so later and found her lifeless and bloody in our dryer… she was such a little cat 😦
    he took her outside and buried her as quickly as he could as my children would have seen. he feels awful and has also had to clean out the dryer as i cant even bare to look at it…
    I am beyond devestated and have been crying for the last two days, my husband is definitely coping better than i am but he still cant quite believe what has happened… my cat has never gotten in the dryer before but does like to hide in warm spots… I cant bring myself to tell my children how it happened and am just going to think of another way that she could have passed…
    Her mother had also died 1 and a half years earlier after being run over by a car.. our kids were devestated back then..
    I feel like our family is cursed as the cat i lost a year and a half ago had three kittens (of which Meko was one) and they have all died from different accidents in this past year. ( the other two were given to family members )
    i blame myself too as i knew if i hadnt have gone to babysit or i hadnt have insisted on the washing being done so soon, that it most likely wouldnt have happened….
    i hope this post helps someone like myself and i can only hope the pain and guilt will get easier to deal with…… R.I.P my beautiful Meko, i hope your in a better place xxxx 😦

  52. I did the same thing and to my cat I had hand reared and loved so much. Even memories of that day take my breathe away.. Bless all that know that feeling x

  53. I’m glad to read this too. Yesterday morning I was in a rush to get ready and my jeans were a little damp so I threw them in the dryer and pressed start. The dryer made a much louder noise than usual but I just assumed it was because a zip or something was hitting the drum as it went around. Even my 6 year old asked what the noise was but I just said it’s just the clothes in there. Anyway. I pulled the jeans out and put them on and realised they had black stuff down them so I went to the basket to see if I had any trousers in there and when I didn’t I got back to the dryer to find a pair in there. That’s when I saw my beautiful girl’s tail, I think she was covered with clothes, I couldn’t look just screamed and screamed. I think the black was blood. I called my parents and my dad took her out and she was stiff and her ear and nose were all bloody. We buried her then came home and had to clean the dryer, luckily it only had a few blood smears so could have been way worse but it was still awful. I keep crying and I feel like I’ve failed her. Im so guilty that i didnt check before hand or at least realise that the dryer doesnt usually bang as loud as that. I cant sleep because everytime the house is quiet and irs just me and my thoughts i picture her and think how scared she must have been. I feel horrible. Already I want another cat, not to replace her, but because I can’t bear the house without a cat. I’m not sure if it’s wrong to go so quickly though. I just don’t know what to do with myself

    • I’m so sorry for your loss
      It’s such an awful thing but also an accident
      I still miss my meko everyday and wish I could have done things differently
      It does get easier though
      It’s took me until now though to buy another tumble dryer
      Couldn’t bear looking at it……
      I check and double check the dryer every time now (have an older cat left)
      I have fears of it happening again
      Think there should be more awareness about this
      It happens so often
      Good luck to you x

  54. I was sadly relieved to find this post. I killed my poor Brier Girl this morning my baby. In the stupid dryer. I feel so horrible I know our boy Zues has crawled in there before and napped (he is fine it wasnt running) so I was the one that stressed keeping the door shut and always double checking first to my teenagers. Well low and behold today I was switching over the laundry when I heard my two year old crying in her room left to check and came back finished the switch and ran the dryer. I keep playing it in my head the horror. The thumping didn’t start right away but when I heard it I didn’t think much I often throw my daughter’s shoes in. Then to my horror when the dryer buzzed I saw the ears I’m sure I made quite the scene jumping around and screaming “oh my god what have I done, damn you Zuess I thought you learned your lesson ” ran to my babies room shut the door and went outside to compose myself. When I found the courage to get him out I returned to get my big boy and tell him how sorry I was and was horrified yet again as I pulled my poor Brier babies lifeless body out and I sunk to an even sicker feeling (I would have melted with Zuess as well I love him I would have melted with any cat ) but this was my Breir baby the one who snuggles with me at night who thinks my tablet is something I got to annoy her who is always by my side my baby Im sure if i didnt live in the country the police would have came as i stood outside with her in my arms crying “oh my god i killed my baby im so sorry baby what did i do” I can’t stop crying I can’t imagine forgiving myself and I know all to well she will haunt me. My husband is furious he didn’t have anything nice to say when I called him. So I sit here condemning myself wishing I would have listened to my own rules. Knowing I’m the worse pet owner alive. So I had to google it to see if I was the only one. Oh how I wish I could do this day over my poor girl is gone and its all my fault I knew better.

    • Dearest Amanda,

      I feel so much of your pain and guilt as it happend to our Dotty 4 years ago on the 14th of February. I done exactly the same as you and needed to find out if this had happend to others and I too found this site and it gave me some comfort if thats what you can call it.

      We will never forget that day never, we have lost a lot of loved pets in the past but this was the worst experience ever.

      4 years have past and it still cuts like a knife I sad to say.

      Take care Amanda, don’t be to hard on yourself.

      Carol (Liverpool England) xx

  55. I also killed my beloved cat in the dryer one week ago. I put a comforter in it and he must have been sleeping in it and I closed the dryer and turned it on. If only I had checked to make sure he wasn’t in there first or had checked the thumping noise he would be here with me now I am sick and so heartbroken over this. I have never had such a buddy. He was my pal. Other than the one cat I’ve had for nine years this one I lost was the best and favorite I’ve ever had.he slept with me followed me around and wanted to always be right next to me. His name was Whitey. He was semi long haired solid white with a couple grayish silver spots and a silver tail with silky fur. I can’t stop crying and thinking about how bad he must have suffered and how much I miss him and how it hurts me so bad. I feel like things will never be the same. Life will be like before Whitey died and after he died. I can’t stand it . I see your loss was a few years ago.please tell me it gets a little more bearable because right now I don’t know if I can. I’m so sorry you lost your buddy and best friend and I know how it must still hurt you to this day. I hope one day I can find some peace and stop hurting so bad. Thanks for sharing your painful experience.

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